5 CAUAC. MAY 8, 2005

Keyword: Sensitivity

I transform myself into

ever more complete a vessel




Teresa: Transformation is always a struggle. If everything was always easy and comfortable we would never be driven to change and grow. It is the conflict that hurls us into the place of raw Power, a scary place, where the Great Work really takes place.

The day before the Cauac New Moon we primed the painting board with a mix of blues and purples. It was a beautiful beginning, a light but mysterious abstract which evoked a feeling of entry into the
Great Mystery.

We were excited to re-enter our tantric realm. But when we actually began our new painting journey we found that everything we added onto this base layer just obscured the original feeling of it. In our intention to remain completely open and fresh,we found we were covering over each other's offerings, and an attitude of antagonism, although playful, slowly developed. Rather than a collaboration, the
process became a struggle, each addition came with a
dare to the other to "top that". Our divination card was "Horseplay", and that was certainly our mood. But no matter how hard we tried, how many changes we made, we could not bring anything meaningful to light.

Frustration slowly replaced enthusiasm, and we went to bed with little satisfaction. It was disturbing to both of us, feeling the lack of connection to each other and the Vision.

Dwayne: .In retrospect it is clear that we set ourselves up for conflict and disappointment the moment we primed the canvas. Rather than establishing a monotone base layer upon which to work, we created a subtle, abstract painting in its own right. To the extent that we were attached to that painting, to that extent we experienced pain at its gradual transformation into something other.

In painting as in life, I find a quote from Picasso particularly helpful here:

"A painting is a sum of destructions."

Teresa: Dreams were fitful that night, but the early waking hours worked their peaceful creative magic on us, and we rose with some fresh insights as to what had happened and what we could do to transform the blocked energy of the previous night.

What I saw in looking back was that, because of my desire to remain open to what "came through", I actually became blinded to what Dwayne was seeing. We were covering up each other's painting because we thought it was being contrived, or challenging. We
needed to honor each other's process as a manifestation of the Greater Vision, and also to stand up for our own affirmations when something looked "right". With an attitude of humble respect we rebuilt the connection, and became sensitive again to each
other. The energy immediately flowed in, and the images appeared to us as if a dam had been broken.

The lightning strikes. The violent flashes of light and thunderous sounds precipitate the clouds to pour out torrents of rain on the land, purifying and nourishing. Everything grows on earth because of this
action in the sky. This is Nature. In our minds, we think we can control things, but it is only in sensitivity to Power that we can truly take our place in the natural order. Thunder beings, bright and noisy,
assist us in the transformation. 



The Lightning Path : 5 CAUAC

Acrylic on masonite 18 x 24 in.

Dwayne Rourke & Teresa Wild 2005